To Your Scattered Bakas Go
by Montanto
Summary: A little crossover idea I've been playing with. After yet another fight with Akane Ranma finds himself waking up on the bank of a river.


Most of this property is the either the property of Ms

Most of this property is the either the property of Ms. Takahashi or Gainex though there are a few background elements that can be attributed to Jose Philip Farmer. So without further ado Montanto Productions presents:

To Your Scattered Bakas Go

A Ranma Fanfic

By Bill Morse

"Ranma! Apologize to your fiancée this instant!"

"No way! I don't want to get poisoned again. She's a disaster in the kitchen and her foods a menace to the whole family!" Ranma went on like this for a whole moment never noticing just how angry Akane was getting or how she was reaching for the table. Sudenly everything went black. 

Ranma woke up staring at a beautiful blue sky lying in soft green grass of a field. Cool spring breeze blew around him. It looked like a perfect day. He rubbed his bald head as he got up. "All this time and the kawaiikune tomboy still is able to tag me," he muttered

Wait a minute. 

He felt his head frantically with both hands in disbelief. Despite all of Principal Kunou's best efforts, his father's genes and the possible effects of the dragon's whisker he had kept all of his hair, until now.Much to his surprise he didn't have the splitting headache that accompanied most of his "conversations" with Akane. In fact he felt better then he had in years. 

He looked at his hands in surprise. He could hardly recognize his own hairless body. It was as healthy as it always was except it didn't have a single scar on him. 

Strapped to his wrist was a twenty-centimeter long clear cord that looked as if it was made out of some sort of plastic. At the end of the cord was what looked like a large grayish cylinder with a lid made out of the same material.

Always a quick riser Ranma struggled to stand up he felt numb and weak and only his training allowed him to get up at all. Slowly he began to study his surroundings.

He was standing in a field at the foot of some sort of valley.Behind him were high mountains that looked next to impossible to climb. In front of him about a kilometer away at the bottom of some sloping hills and meadows there was a huge river so wide he could barely see the other side. 

Nearly at the edge of the river were strange structures that looked as if it was made out of some sort reddish gray rock. It was flat about 25 meters wide standing on a smaller base that was about two meters high. It looked for all the world like some sort of giant mushroom. Looking around he could see that were more of these structures along the riverbank.He could just barely make out more of them on the other side of the river.

Lying next to him on both sides were men and women also bald and naked still asleep. Both ends of it stretched as far as he could see.People were everywhere every race and gender though some appeared to be of a different species.Except for children everyone was the same age. No one seemed to be older then 25.

Slowly many of them began to stir looking around trying to get up. Since obviously none of them had his martial arts training they were unable to shake off their lethargy as quickly as he had. Ranma watched as men and woman alike slowly began looking around becoming aware of their surroundings and their bodies for the first time. 

Slowly a hundred meters away one of the woman gave out a low moan. 

This acted as a trigger for every single person on the river plain.Ranma watched puzzled as every human being up and down the river valley mass hysteria struck. People began screaming in terror or sobbing. He saw people on their hands and knees beating their chests and scratching their cheeks.The few of them he could understand were begging for forgiveness. Several children cried desperately looking for familiar faces. 

"What is with these people?" Ranma asked no one in particular. He watched the one woman who was clearly not terrified by her situation. She had recovered nearly as quickly as he had.She kept staring at her chest occasionally squeezing her breasts and laughing gleefully.

Ranma shrugged and walked down to the water to get a drink.It occurred to him that in their frantic state all of these people might do something desperate. He wasn't too worried. It was easy to see that none of them were martial artists but it was a good idea to keep ones guard up just in case. 

"Excuse me, but do you speak Japanese?" a voice from behind him asked. Ranma turned to see a thin man his own age standing with his arms crossed looking remarkably calm despite the madness going on about them. "You'll have to excuse me, I followed you because you were the only one who didn't panic over this wholes situation. Other then her of course," the man nodded at the woman who was now dancing around in circles and giggling.

"No problem, do you have any idea what their problem is?" Ranma asked.

The other man stared at him as if it was the dumbest question imaginable. He scratched the bridge of his nose thinking for a second. "I suppose its because they have just realized that this is not the afterlife they have expected," he said slowly. "Those who were expecting heaven believe that their god has forsaken them and those who thought they were damned are relieved or think their judgement will come at any moment. Atheists suc0h as myself are pleasantly surprised," He continued. 

"Afterlife?" Ranma asked shocked, "why would they expect an afterlife? Alien abduction I can understand but why would anyone think they were killed. Heck, I just got knocked out when Akane hit me over the head with the dining room table. What I don't understand is why I didn't wake up in my bed."

Someone hit you with a table?" the thin man asked skeptically. 

"That's what I said wasn't it?"

"And it didn't kill you?"

"Of course it didn't kill me! Akane does it to me all of the time. Why the heck would it kill me?"

The man shrugged and scratched his nose. "If you say so. Anyway we haven't been properly introduced, my name is Ikari."

"Ikari?" Ranma asked suspiciously.

"Yes, that's right."

It was Ranma's turn to shrug "I'm Ranma Saotome, " he said offering his hand.

"Ranma Saotome?" Ranma and Ikari turned to see the most beautiful woman they had ever seen walk towards them like all the other people on the riverplain she was completely hairless but the way she bore herself exuded charisma. Unlike the rest of the crowd she was completely unaffected by the current mob rule. 

"Yes it is you. I'd recognize you anywhere even without the pigtail," she continued. Her voice was beautiful. 

"Ah thanks Its good to see a familiar face here, Miss. . . .," Ranma answered hesitantly putting his hand behind his neck trying desperatly to recognize her face. He was certain he would recognize anyone that beautiful.

The woman smiled and laughed. Her teeth were like pearls Ranma was sure he would be content to watch her smile for the rest of his life. Her laughter was like bells. "Son in law," she said, "it's been a long time."


End file.
